Reflections on Singleness

Statistics tell us that in the UK around 40% of people are single, through choice or circumstance. Some have never married, those who are divorced, separated or widowed, and those whose status continues to shift. These demographics are, of course, reflected in the life of the Methodist Church.

The Methodist Church, in agreeing its Justice, Dignity and Solidarity Strategy, committed itself to celebrating diversity, eradicating all discrimination, and bringing about a profound change in the culture, practices and attitudes of the Church.

From stories shared in a pastoral context, it seems that the Church still has much to do in welcoming, affirming, and celebrating the presence and contribution of single people.

People can feel ‘less than’ in our church communities because they are single. There is also the danger of ‘othering’ single people and assuming that everyone’s experience is the same, when we know there is a vast array of experiences and forms of singleness.

The Singleness report came about after a Notice of Motion to the Methodist Conference in 2022 asked for more work on singleness.

This was in response to the extensive work of the church on marriage and relationships and reflected that the last significant writing on singleness was the Conference statement ‘A Christian Understanding of Family Life, the Single Person and Marriage’ (1992). Now thirty years old, more reflection was requested to challenge assumptions around singleness in all its forms.

I had the privilege to serve on the working party which drafted and brought this report to the Conference for debate. It is a short report which couldn’t possibly unpack all that might need to be said, but it is a starting point, and I hope, a catalyst, for more work and reflection, particularly around singleness in ministry.

As someone who has never married and is a Presbyter, I found the debate on the Singleness Report at the Methodist Conference deeply moving. In part because others shared openly and vulnerably their own stories.

Stories of pain and embarrassment, stories of not feeling valued or affirmed or celebrated. Stories that many who are single can identify with.

For example, being told you have ‘no family’ because you live alone; or being tapped on the stomach each Mothering Sunday and asked when you’re going to have a baby; being encouraged on dates by well-intentioned church members; or the common experience for single Deacons and Presbyters of living in large unsuitable Manses.

The stories are many and they are uncomfortable to hear, yet they are the lived experience of those in membership and leadership within our Church.

In the debate at the Conference, we heard of ‘found families’, friends and colleagues who support single people wherever they are. For those who are single and particularly those in itinerant ministry, those ‘found families’ are our lifelines.

I hope that this report is just the beginning of a wider conversation and further work on singleness in the life of the Church. Please do encourage your local churches and Circuits to engage with the report, particularly its suggested guidance, and to offer feedback to the Secretary of the Faith and Order Committee by September 2025.